Tag: Writers

Dating Advice for Writers

Jaclyn1 Comment

Recently, a young relative, who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent, was preparing for their first date through an online dating app. My husband and I met online, and so we were plying this young’un with all our so-called wisdom. In doing so, we realized we were just telling them not to do any of the things we had done. We are now happily married.

But both the hubby and I are writers. In some ways we writers are a different breed, and that means there are different ways to woo our hearts. The following is advice you definitely should not follow. It will not lead to second dates, to marriage, or to happiness. Unless you are a writer.

  1. Send detailed, soulful messages to someone far, far away. What is distance, when you are pouring your heart out on the page? A ten hour drive away? Sure, you probably won’t ever meet in real life, but at least you’ll be in love. Do not call or zoom or meet. You are a writer. Only write. 
  2. Stand them up at a literary event. When you are finally in the same town, cancel plans to see them at a literary event because you started dating someone else while also sending soulful messages to the writer you thought you’d never meet, and now you feel too guilty about dating more than one person. But definitely still go to the event. Make sure it’s a costumed event, so you can pretend you’re not yourself. But also, it makes for extra magic if your name could be announced at the event, so you both know the other is there. Hide in the corner. DO NOT INITIATE CONTACT! 
  3. Send them weird things like a stalker. After standing them up, ask for their home address. When they shockingly give it to you, send them strange things. It’s best if these things are handmade and look it. Make sure you don’t give too much context, like an apology for standing them up or any update on your life, like that you are single again. Just the weird crafts will do. Writers like bookmarks. Extra points if they are made out of dead things, like conch feet and sharks’ teeth.
  4. Bring your publisher on your first date. Sure, some people might think it’s weird to bring someone else along on a date you’ve been planning for months. But you’re at AWP, or some other writing conference, which just means all rules are out the window. Bonus points if your publisher is age appropriate for dating you. Extra bonus points if they are incredibly assertive and do most of the talking on the date. Extra-extra bonus points if your publisher drove you to the date and now you don’t have a ride home. 
  5. Invite them to sleep in other writers’ beds. As you house sit for your other writer friends, invite your new flame to come along. How many already-published writers’ beds can you sleep in while you yourself are dreaming of that book deal? Has anyone washed these sheets? Perhaps some of that publishing magic will rub off on you. Isn’t it romantic? 
  6. Bring them someplace scary. When you finally invite them to your own house, make sure that it’s a remote cabin without cell reception. What seemed romantic in your soulful messages will seem like a horror movie when they realize no one would be able to hear them scream. The cabin should be filled with books (signed by your famous author friends), but only have one chair, so it is very obvious you have never had company there before. The guns are optional, but the taxidermy is not. Don’t forget to sleep on your publisher’s sheets. 

For more about the follies of writers in relationships, click here. Shout out to Che Chorley for the pictures! You can find more of his amazing work here.

Writers in Relationships: NaNoWriMo with your SO Days 22-25

Jaclyn1 Comment

Should writers date writers?

I have heard the advice that writers shouldn’t date writers. This is not advice I followed. In fact, I married one. 

My SO is also a writer. He’s already got a few books out in the wild. You might think this helps us understand each other, and in some ways it does. But in other ways, we are very, very different and often inscrutable to each other. Writers are notorious for being introverted and persnickety. We are no exception. How do you make it work when both people in the relationship are writers?

SO and I are very different writers. For one thing, he has never done NaNoWriMo. But this year was different. I talked him into participating in NaNo! Sort of…

Some people write with fountain pens and composition books and some writers need robots to tell them to write. (Shout out to WriterBot!)

How to Do NaNoWriMo with Your SO

I love tracking my word counts and setting goals and in some ways can be very methodical about my spreadsheets. I track what times of day I write best, schedule when I will take breaks, and give myself daily quotas in terms of what I want to achieve in my writing that day.

This is not how my SO writes. He doesn’t count or track or anything like that. So for him, “doing NaNo together” just meant that he started a new novel at the beginning of November and has been making extra effort to find the time to work on it this month. It’s actually been quite successful.

I write almost exclusively on the computer. My sentences never come out in the order I want them, and the ability to copy paste and move things around as I am writing is important to me. SO writes ON PAPER! On paper! Like it is 1952! With a fountain pen, no less! When I try to write on paper, it’s a hot mess that not even I can decipher. 

When SO writes on paper, he writes IN ORDER! Like, the writing comes to him in chronological order. This seems like magic to me. My writing comes in fits, small snippets of scenes or lines or images that I don’t even know where they go in the book, but I do know they are not in order. I mean, this man sits down and begins by writing the beginning, and then he writes what’s next and then what comes after that. And, he does all this on paper with a pen and does not erase or scratch out anything. Like, what kind of sorcery is this, sir?!

He’s also a solo writer. His writing is very much a solitary activity, and in general he is not as much of a joiner as I am. I often tease him about being the man alone at the isolated cabin writing by candlelight, which was the case when I met him. He would write me messages (sometimes send me letters ON PAPER, I mean, not to beat the dead horse, but whaaat?) about feeding the woodstove between scenes and writing without electricity and this is just mind-boggling to me.

I find it very motivating to write with people. I love the community of NaNoWriMo. I force my friends to write with me to hold me accountable. I do writing sprints with sprinting groups and generally that outside accountability is big motivation to me. 

So, when SO says he’s doing NaNo this year, for him that doesn’t mean joining the Alaska NaNo Discord and tracking his word counts on the NaNo site. Instead, it just means sitting down with his fountain pen and his paper as much as he can in November. 

My plant, which was my 10,000 word reward, being used like a folder in elementary school, making sure he doesn’t copy my answers.

How to Date a Writer

But even with all these differences we make it work. 

Writing is like a third person in our relationship, our polyamorous unicorn whom we both adore, but who we each make out with in very different ways. The mutual love of writing brings us together, and helps us understand each other.

The key to not letting it get in the way is just that we each know that the other cannot survive without writing. We try to make sure the other gets their words in in the same way that we make sure the other eats and sleeps.

So, all month we have been sitting down across the table from each other. I set up my candle and my plants all over the place and he tries to scooch them onto my half of the table without me noticing and we each get words out in our very different ways. I make my spreadsheets and count my words and write through my nonchronological poetic fog and he fills his fountain pen and writes the scene that comes next in a composition book. 

And it’s made us closer.

Do you all have people in your life who just get it? Are there people out there who understand your need for making art? 

Here are the days’ stats for the last few days: 

Progress:

Day 22 Word Count: 0

Day 23 Word Count: 0

Day 24 Word Count: 0

Day 25 Word Count: 0

Total Word Count: 28010

Where I Planned to Be: 40000

1667 words per day: 41675

I had planned on taking the 24th and 25th off because of Thanksgiving, but this week went sideways. Hoping I am going to be able to catch up some this weekend! 

Planning and Goal Setting for Writers: A Review of HB90 Bootcamp

Jaclyn16 Comments
Planning and Goal Setting for Writers: A Review of Sarra Cannon’s HB90 A Review of HB90 Bootcamp: A Planner for Writers A Planner for Depression and Anxiety: A Review of HB90 Bootcamp The Lightning Droplets review of HB90 Bootcamp, created by Sarra Cannon of Heart Breathings. Learn to create writing goals you can stick to using this planner for writers. This is a review of HB90 Bootcamp, a system for planning your writing goals, finding motivation, and creating a writing routine that lasts. This is a planner for writers but is also a planner that helps with depression and anxiety. #writinggoals #goalsetting #planners #mentalhealth #indieauthors

Writing can be lonely, y’all. It can be a very long slog with not a lot of recognition and no small wins along the way. I can be awash in a sea of ideas one day and swamped in petty author “to-dos” the next. Need to make an author website. What about that sequel to my memoir rattling around in my brain? Often, when I sit down I feel so overwhelmed by the amount of things I could be doing that I freeze up and do nothing at all. 

But I’ve found something that’s helping. It’s not a magic pill, but it feels like I am training myself to be more purposeful in how I spend my days, and making it just a little bit easier to sit down and get started. And I feel these little nudges making a difference.

What is HB90?

HB90 stands for Heart Breathings 90. It’s a 90-day planning system designed for writers and creative entrepreneurs. It uses a lot of psychological principles to help you keep motivated and take actionable steps toward your dreams. 

It includes a planner and a whole support and motivation system, with kanban boards, rewards, community for accountability, and a whole process to bang out your hopes and tasks for each quarter.

For me, this system works on two different levels. It’s nice to have a planner that is geared for writers, but the reason this works is that the process is based on proven principles from psychology. It actually looks a lot like cognitive behavioral therapy, but in the form of a planner (hello, markers and washi tape!).

Sarra Cannon, the creator of this system, is an indie writer who has published more than 25 novels. She’s also very open about the fact that she has dealt with depression and anxiety; this planning system was born out of that struggle. So HB90 is geared toward writers and creative entrepreneurs, but I personally have noticed that it is especially helpful in dealing with depression and anxiety. The system that Sarra has developed to help her through mental health issues is also helping me!

A Planner for Writers

HB90 is first and foremost a planner system that’s designed with writers in mind. There are pages to plan your work in progress and keep track of your word count, etc. A lot of Sarra’s videos explain things from the point of view of a writer, using writer’s goals and tasks as examples. But, I do think this would work for any kind of creative or entrepreneurial endeavor.

If you are trying to create a writing life, you know it can be hard to find the time, pick the projects, think about publication or marketing. This is a system that takes the lonely, scattered bits of being a writer and helps you shape them into a puzzle that can reveal your ideal life. 

It’s a planner that takes into consideration both the artistic side of writing and the goal-oriented business side, and creates a balance between the two. There is a part of me that feels like my writing is somehow sacred and should not be measured. However, I’ve found that, for me, the advantage of using this kind of goal-oriented approach is that it gives me milestones along the way down the long, lonely road of writing a novel so that I can see the progress I’m making and celebrate my wins. This has been keeping me motivated and more consistent in my writing routine, which is a boon for my creativity and the muse.

A Planner to Help with Depression and Anxiety

Sarra Cannon is graciously candid about her struggles with mental health issues on her youtube channel and also on her instagram account. Though the HB90 system is not specifically billed as a system that helps with depression and anxiety, I have found that it helps with mine, and I suspect that Sarra has developed this system as a way to deal with her own struggles. 

I have been working through the Cognitive Behavioral Theory Workbook (which I also high recommend to help with anxiety and depression) and some of the most practical and useful aspects of HB90–thinking of how to refill your well, identifying low-energy tasks, and taking time to really identify what you value, overlap with CBT. Of course, I’m no mental health expert and this isn’t medical advice. This link is pure conjecture on my part, but it’s helped me enough with my own mental health issues that I think it’s important to mention. 

What is HB90 Bootcamp?

HB90 Bootcamp is a seven-day course that walks you through a detailed process of envisioning your long term goals, prioritizing the things you need to do, looking realistically at your time, and creating a system that will support you in actually following through. It’s a course that teaches you step by step how to take on the HB90 method.

The course takes place over seven days, and each day contains a couple of hours of video and homework. The homework is all encapsulated in the planner that comes with the course, so it is very much like a workbook that you can look back on throughout the quarter. Each step of the way, the videos and workbook show you the reasoning behind the process and alternative ways to think about each step, which helps make the system very customizable. 

Things I Love about It

It actually comes with a lot. 

I have seen other five-day or weeklong courses that only come with a bit of instruction or work each day. This course comes with more than an hour of video every day, the planner, the facebook accountability group, a workbook to envision your ideal life, and a live kickoff call. 

The value in this really comes with the fact that you are then welcome to join every quarter. So every quarter, you can go through the process again, re-examine your goals and your vision for your life, and plan out the next 90 days so you can take the steps you need to to get there! 

The system is flexible. 

I have been doing the HB90 system for over a year now and every quarter I have been able to tailor it to my specific needs that quarter. I have done digital kanban boards, in-planner kanbans for when I travel, checklists, different kinds of reward systems. Each quarter I can see better which parts of it motivate me and which parts I can leave by the wayside. 

One thing that I really love about Sarra Cannon is that there are tons of levels at which you can engage, like just buying the planner, or following some of the planning advice on her youtube channel, all the way to going through the bootcamp.

It really does get better each time.

This is something I’ve heard Sarra say a few times, and I have to admit I rolled my eyes the first time I heard it. This month, I will be doing the course for my fifth time, and it really has gotten better each time. Each quarter I can say that my vision for my life becomes more clear, what I am trying to do and why becomes more clear, and the things that will help bring me toward those goals become more clear. 

What’s Difficult about It 

It asks hard questions.

Honestly, I struggled with whether to list this as a thing I love or a difficulty. The hard questions are good. Taking a big, eagle-eyed view of where you are and where you want to be is an important step in creating the life you want, but it is difficult. If I’m being honest, this has been the most difficult part of the HB90 course for me every time I do it. It really asks you to dig deep and think about why and how you are heading in the direction you are heading. And sometimes, the answers to those questions are uncomfortable.

It takes time.

The course is structured so that it takes about a week to complete, and I would say you do need that whole week. You could watch the videos all at once, but there’s a lot of thinking and processing between videos which I think is really important. 

You don’t necessarily need to do it at the same time as everyone else. In the Facebook alumni group there are often people going through the course the first week of the next quarter or several weeks after the quarter begins, and they still get the support of the group. However, you definitely need to set aside about a week’s worth of time to do it.

The Verdict: Is It Worth It? 

Sarra Cannon has a suite of courses for writers. In addition to HB90 Bootcamp, she also has a course called Publish and Thrive; you can read my review of that course here. The thing I find interesting about Sarra’s courses is that they are packed full of information, but what is really valuable about them is the way they empower you to envision and create a writing life that sticks with you long after the information is forgotten. 

So, for me, it’s been totally worth it. I was at a point in my life where I knew something had to change. Actually, I knew everything had to change, but I had no idea where to even begin making the changes. After a year of working with this planning method, I can definitely say that I am working toward the life I want on a daily basis and thinking often about the direction I’m heading and what I want my life to look like. That has definitely been worth it. 

Planning and Goal Setting for Writers: A Review of Sarra Cannon’s HB90 A Review of HB90 Bootcamp: A Planner for Writers A Planner for Depression and Anxiety: A Review of HB90 Bootcamp The Lightning Droplets review of HB90 Bootcamp, created by Sarra Cannon of Heart Breathings. Learn to create writing goals you can stick to using this planner for writers. This is a review of HB90 Bootcamp, a system for planning your writing goals, finding motivation, and creating a writing routine that lasts. This is a planner for writers but is also a planner that helps with depression and anxiety. #writinggoals #goalsetting #planners #mentalhealth #indieauthors
Planning and Goal Setting for Writers: A Review of Sarra Cannon’s HB90 A Review of HB90 Bootcamp: A Planner for Writers A Planner for Depression and Anxiety: A Review of HB90 Bootcamp The Lightning Droplets review of HB90 Bootcamp, created by Sarra Cannon of Heart Breathings. Learn to create writing goals you can stick to using this planner for writers. This is a review of HB90 Bootcamp, a system for planning your writing goals, finding motivation, and creating a writing routine that lasts. This is a planner for writers but is also a planner that helps with depression and anxiety. #writinggoals #goalsetting #planners #mentalhealth #indieauthors

Note: This post contains affiliate links to Sarra’s courses, which means if you choose to enroll after clicking my link, I will receive a small commission at no extra charge to you. That being said, I am recommending this course because it really has changed my thinking on my writing career and helped me manage my mental health issues, so I want to spread the word!

Sharing:”Bluebird” by Charles Bukowski

JaclynLeave a comment

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmWZOsVtqR0&w=420&h=315]

Bluebird

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I’m not going
to let anybody see
you.
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he’s
in there.

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody’s asleep.
I say, I know that you’re there,
so don’t be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he’s singing a little
in there, I haven’t quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it’s nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don’t
weep, do
you?

 

 

 

From Charles Bukowski’s book “The Last Night of Earth Poems”

(c) Charles Bukowski