Full Pink Moon

It’s the golden hour, and all the plants are glowing as I make my way up the hill.  The sky is shocking, pink and blue and purple, as if suddenly bruising from its collision with the earth.  I want to reach up and comfort its throbbing beauty.  The turning leaves soak up the last bits of sun and radiate as if they were autumnal lanterns.  They light my way as the air turns dark.

The turning of the season and my northern-hemisphere body are at odds.  It’s nearly Beltane.  My blood wants to dance around fires throwing the cozy scarves and mittens of hibernation wantonly to the wind.  My skin is expectant with the warmth of new beginnings, and yet the gusts here are becoming harsher.  I push on.  It’s not fall for me.

As the final rays of the day tuck themselves in behind clouds and hills, I reach the well.  The very sight of the clearing tugs at something inside me.  I finger the stones, making them melt and turn to sand, as if they were an old lover who’d been waiting for my touch.

In response, I remove my shoes and socks.  My toes dig into the dirt and rocks dig back into my soles.  The breeze lifts my shirt and grazes my belly.  It’s all the impetus I need.  The wind keeps nibbling at me, encouraging me, and so I tie my clothes to the hawthorn tree.

It’s cloudy tonight and I know it’s no accident.  The moon is hiding in the shadow of the earth, tucked in the darkness of her cave as if in hibernation.  She’s just waiting for her moment.  It’s an up-side-down celebration here.  The leaves are beginning to saunter away from their branches.   The night is still pregnant with the potential of sprouts and seedlings, even as Antarctic winds raise mountain ranges of goose bumps on my skin.

I start a fire and I know you will be here soon.  I wonder how many logs and how much kindling we will need to last through the night.  The moon is flush and full.  Beneath my feet, the phlox creep further and further from the well.  The pink moss stretches its feelers toward unknown lands, testing whether those grounds hold lives that it can live.  The dainty flowers look up to the moon and howl, reflecting her full, surprised face back in their flushed cheeks.  They beam on a night like tonight.  They gather in such numbers and their blushing blazes so brightly that even the moon blushes back.

You come with logs for the fire and no words.  Before long we have our own sun flickering before us. “Ne’er cast a cloot ‘til Mey’s oot,” they warned us.  It’s not quite May, but it is time to cast our clothes.  The cold of the April wind nibbles at our skin and makes it blush, in brazen mimicry of the pink moon.  The light is deafening, and I am exposed, as are you.  The heat of the fire makes my frontside glow.  The cold of the April wind turns my backside pink.  I am round and glowing, a perfect salmon moon.

We dance in circles, falling into orbit around the fire.  I am drunk on the pollen wafting through the air, and red, yellow, and brown leaves swirl around me.  I can no longer tell whether I am surrounded by flames or trees or both.  Stars leap from the fire, embers fall from the sky.  I collapse into the embrace of the infinite.

Lost in space like this, there is no north and south, no spring or fall, only the endless expanse of new fires being lit.

 

 

Creative Commons love to phil dokas from flickr for the stunning photo!

Fall in the Long White Cloud

It’s a wet kind of cold, the kind that still allows things to grow.  The cloudy sky and diffused light makes the green of the plants more striking and they glisten with the drops of rain.  Actually, the rain doesn’t quite drop.  The air is so thick with water that it falls in a mist, mot even heavy enough to be a drizzle.  It makes me feel like I am walking through a long, white cloud, as if I am so far above the earth that I am inside the sky.  Only the moss reminds me that I am at sea level.

The tree outside my window has been dying all summer, but now, in the cold of the autumn rain it has begun again to grow.  It also seems confused by these antipodean seasons.  It lost its leaves in the shining sun of the summer drought, and now that it’s fall, it’s sprouting new life.

The koru seem unsure about whether or not to open.  I am sure I’ve seen the ferny tendrils on my path tentatively stretch open, and now they’ve closed again, as if pulling back from the abrupt, damp, winter.  Their spiral fractals seem to contract and breathe, opening timidly and closing again.

It’s on days like this I long to be outside, to feel the growth and life.  The plants and ground feel full with the potential that the rain brings, bursting with possibility and expectant growth.  I want that potential, that possibility, that growth.

 

 

This is a little birthday present from New Zealand for my awesome, amazing, inspiring cousin, Janelle.  

 

Also, Kiwi Creative Commons love to Brenda Anderson for the photo.  Thanks so much!

A Letter to My Muse

My dearest Fulgura,

As the red of the pohutukawa flowers gives way to the red of changing leaves, it becomes achingly clear how long it’s been.

Do you remember when we went to the Bahamas?  We sat by the water together and told story after story.   It was New Year and my birthday and you gave me present after present of sea glass and sand dollars and mermaid’s purses.  I carry them in my pocket still and think of you as my fingers toy with them.  That was over a year ago now.

So much has happened since then.  I’ve spent nearly a year under the long white cloud and I’ve been distracted.  The craft breweries and aerial circuses have drawn my attention away from you.  I think of you often, as I hike under tree ferns or explore kelpy tide pools, I wish you were there to share it with me.

I can sometimes feel you near me.  I wonder on misty nights if you are peeking through my windows.  You feel so close.  I can picture your wet, mist-laden hair sticking to your face, perfectly framing your Antarctic-nipped cheeks.  Do you see me drinking pinot gris and wonder why I don’t invite you in to share some?  I wonder why.  I imagine you cuddled up next to me, a wine glass in your hand and your lips become looser and looser, knowing you can tell me anything.  And I hang on to your every word, holding you close and letting you know how important you are to me.

It’s completely my fault, of course.  I’ve taken you for granted, assumed that you would just come when I called. I know we’ve always been close and I just expected it would always be that way.  But deep down I know, you are getting frustrated with me.  I know that this relationship needs to go both ways.  Something needs to change.  It’s time for me to take responsibility for this.

In light of that realization, I have some news for you.  I am moving to Alaska to be with you.  I can picture it already, the two of us cuddled up under northern lights, huddled together in amazement at the impossible cold.  With nothing to do but admire the snow and share our stories, we get closer and closer.  I capture your words, as they fly into the frozen air and crystallize like snowflakes, each one the delicate fossilization of an idea, a memory, made solid so that we can share it with each other.   Venturing out to glaciers on summer days that never end.  I can promise you this: in the coming years you will be my focus.  I will give you the time and energy and attention you deserve, if you just grant me your company in return.

I want to show you how much you mean to me, and I intend to start today.  I’ll wait for you tonight, under our usual starry night.  If you feel the inclination, you can slip in beside me.  If you feel so inclined, we can catch up.  Or we can sit together in silence and relearn what it feels like to be close to each other.  And if you don’t feel like it tonight, I’ll be waiting tomorrow night also, and the night after that and the night after that.

 

 

 

In response to revisiting Elizabeth Gilbert’s TED Talk on Genius.

 

Also, creative commons love to Brian @HKG for the photo!

Submission: Flash Frontier

In my attempt to immerse myself in the writing culture of this fresh, charming country I find myself in, I stumbled across a little gem of a literary magazine called Flash Frontier.

It’s an online zine which publishes a monthly, theme-based collection of flash fiction and its morsels of stories are quite fetching.

Not only that, but the editors made suggestions to better my submission, which I did really appreciate.  You might find me in the November issue!

Creative Commons love to BabaSteve on flickr for the photo.  So New Zealand!

Inspiration: Creativity as Play

Amidst a series of “How many … does it take to screw in a light bulb?’ jokes John Cleese brings up particularly poignant points about creativity.  He gives an actual recipe for its formation and hope to those of us suffering from creative block.

He asserts that “Creativity is not a talent. It is a way of operating.”  People are not born creative.  It is not a high IQ or a muse on your shoulder.  Instead, it is finding a mode of working that allows for the creative which sits inside each artist to come out.

He cites studies and research which define creativity as “an ability to play.”  Creatives are childlike and have the ability to explore and frolic with ideas for no specific purpose other than play itself.

As I try to be more disciplined and determined in my writing practice, I find that this is something that I am missing lately.  If I’m not producing, I feel that I am not writing.  There isn’t room for play when deadlines and due dates are looming.  And yet, this is exactly what is needed for creativity: time and space.

“Creativity is not possible in the closed mode,” Cleese asserts.  But he also shows that working in both ‘open’ modes and ‘closed’ modes are necessary.  When we are working with a problem, we must examine it in the open mode.  However, once we find a solution, we must work in the closed mode to be effective at bringing it about.

For me, I have been getting better at the closed mode.  I have been developing my discipline and ability to sit down and write as if it is work, as if it is necessary.  But I have forgotten how to play with my writing.  I have forgotten to give myself the time and space to sit and play with my ideas, to let them be silly and run free.

The most useful part of Cleese’s speech comes in his practical advice for creating the ‘open’ mode necessary for creativity.

“You need five things:

1. Space (Away from the ‘real world’ so you can play!)

2. Time (Time blocked off especially for play!)

3. Time (The more time you spend playing, the more creative your solutions are!)

4. Confidence (Play means not being frightened of failure!)

5. A 22-inch waist.. Sorry, humour.”

He asserts that your creative play needs to be distinct from your everyday life in both the time and the space that you give it so that you can be free from the pressures (and ‘closed’ mode) that we usually operate under.  “Otherwise, it’s not play.”

“The most creative professionals always play with the problem for much longer before they try to resolve it.”

“While you’re being creative, nothing is wrong and any drivel might lead to the breakthrough.”

Of course, as he says in the beginning, “Telling people how to be creative is easy. Being creative is difficult.”

http://youtu.be/VShmtsLhkQg

Oh, and also…

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the light bulb has really got to want to change.

It started with her and I cannot let it go.

Her story begins before the beginning.  Before air and sea. Before light and dark.  Before hot cosmic messes melting elements into mass.  A partner without vowels.  Syzygy to the first. A cross in a circle as if she is a bullseye.  I know it is she who brings my inspiration.  It is she who knows my powers and my weaknesses.  It is she who has been forgotten.

It’s the eve of the primordial forest.

It begins with an army of frogs huddled around the very first puddle.  The air remains still with anticipation, as it does in turbulent times.  The hydrogen and helium swirl in hot messes all around, fusing into heavier elements and lighting the otherwise primeval void.  And still, the puddle does not move.  Their toes twitch, but they do not croak.  It seems they are waiting for something to happen.  They make eye contact with each other in anticipation.  They look in to it, trying to find their own reflections, to make sense of the sludge.

But you already know this story.  You do not need to read these words. They are only signs which will direct you to the place in your mind where this story already sits.  There are infinite paths to get there, and these signs may be misleading, crumbling under the weight of time before becoming paths themselves.  They may lean crookedly, pointing in ambiguous directions, so you may want to stop reading and find another, more direct, reliable way.  Or you could continue.

It’s more correct to say that the army of frogs is actually a mold.  It grows green around the edges of the puddle, tapering off, but having no edge itself.  It is not one. It is not many.  It both grows and does not move, like a tree rooted in cement.  It spasms in the hush.  And still, it watches the puddle, which is suddenly muddled.

And then the mold, the frogs, the army, the void: it sees her in the puddle.  Despite the cosmic lightning storm spiraling around it, she is the most beautiful thing they, it, the frogs, the mold, has ever seen.  She shimmers in a pool of water that refuses to show the reflection of the frogs, or the reflection of the universal birth exploding stars above.  She is perfect, Incorruptibility.  And just as quickly she is gone.

She is the daughter of knowledge.  Passion and fire.  Life.  Incorruptibility.  Knowledge.  She is daughter to all of these, and they reside within her.

It’s a story that’s easier to tell in tiles.  The texts are spotty and it’s long past.  Really, the true story sits somewhere in the shadow of each of our minds.  It’s the reflection in the sea of primordial memory that’s just a bit too hazy for us to see into.  A bit too muddled.  A muddled puddle surrounded by a mold of frogs croaking somewhere just below where memories lie.

Home

The landscape holds the deafening density of memory. The needles of each slash pine burst with the recollection of some childhood experience just on the edge of my mind. Each oak limb twists in the shape of a person long forgotten, whose name I would only recall if someone reminded me. It’s as if the trees and Florida air are storing the memories for me. They are my Giver, coddling reminiscences in case some day I might want them. I’ve seen them all before. Every sabal palm, every old oak, every casaurina. I’ve left pieces of myself in the sap of each tree. They whisper a promise to hold it, to free me, to lighten my load. It is only in this way that I am able to travel. In leaving behind the teenage worries and prepubescent fears, there is room for Thai macaques and Czech bridges.

But they are not lost.

The Spanish moss dangles with the whispers of elementary school friends. Mistletoe glistens with stolen first kisses. Pepper trees play melodies I know I’ve heard before. Even the formations of clouds seem to materialize into shapes that I’ve seen, in the same sunset, over twenty years ago.

Special thanks to _ryk from Flickr for the amazing photo!

Her Memories Are Round. (Winter 2012.)

 They sit on the mantle and she fingers them slowly one by one, as if touching them brings back the sights and smells more fully.   They are self-contained, held in proper place by perfectly spherical glass walls, so that the snowflakes of experiences and emotions of each segment do not intermingle. Each one collects its own dust, attracting mites to its cause with sparkling reminiscences.   For each memory, an ornate, dainty pedestal calls out the name of the place and cradles the round, full memory that it holds.

Prague.  One of the few globes that has snow in it.  You almost can’t tell what century it’s from.  Bridges over the Vltava and Gothic architecture with snowy-tips.  It holds days that were ripe with inspiration.  It seemed that lightning was everywhere.  Circuses popped up in her favorite park and artists chased the buildings.  It was a country ruled by writers and it seemed that Milan Kundera was on every street corner.  Gargoyles caught the eye of old Communist statues from across the river and dared them to join in staring contests.  On tram rides to school, everyone was a character.  War widows and Russian spies, past lives and secrets sat all in a row waiting for their stop.   “Better Red than dead!” her grandmother joked, reminding her of past generations who once lived in this land, when it had another name and held a shameful family past.  This memory holds side trips to Cologne and Vienna, Budapest and Bratislava.  It’s one of the few snow globes that holds pieces of her family.  Aunt and uncle, mother and grandmother, all curious about this homeland.   Nightclubs filled with expats and whispers of absinthe.  Maybe if she drank what they drank, she could write like them.

The house itself is sparse.  Her movements make noises that echo off empty walls and bare floors.  As she places the snow globe from Prague back on the mantle, the noise echoes an emptiness, bouncing off bare walls and floors.

Alaska.   A summer that was constant spring.  The trees were always that new shade of green, as if they were permanently fresh.  Mountains grew into glaciers.  Snow was stuck in crevasses so that it didn’t float as you shook the snow globe.  This was closer to what she remembered anyway.  The water in the globe seemed to be cold to the touch, as if it had just melted, as if it had been melting these past 8 years.  It was bright blue, but not clear, like the run off from ice age giants.  There were toothpaste tubes hidden from grizzly bears and games to show you how to run zig zag away from moose.  Even the plants seemed like overgrown prehistoric remnants, with mammoth leaves and sabretoothed thorns.   There was no electricity or internet there.  Unconnected, but somehow much more connected.  She was sure she herself sat on one of those glaciers, too small to be seen, wrapped in the inciting cold.   The water was 39 degrees, and still she couldn’t keep from swimming.

She wonders briefly how many people have seen this globe.   She doesn’t keep her snow globes in order, chronological or otherwise.  They cluster together in the center of the mantle, as if vying for attention, at odds with each other.   Alaska might be in back most days.

San Francisco.  There are no row houses or piers in this one, like most people would expect.  She didn’t take home that Bay Area.  There was no Golden Gate Bridge jutting out from the water or Coit Tower thrusting up over the bay.   Instead she captured potlucks in the park and quiet BART rides.   No-pants parties and the murals of Mission Street swirled fancifully around pirate stores and parks and parks and parks.  The water in this globe churned, far from pacific, but alive all the same.  There were misplaced bison, grazing on grass from the Golden Gate Park.   At 4pm every day, the fog rolled in, keeping the globe fresh, sheltered.

And all the people from San Francisco stare back at her from inside the globe.  They don’t speak or move any more.  They stand as they were then, snapshots of friendships that only live in this one memory.

Thailand.  Water from the Chao Phraya fills the dome, so packed with life that you can’t see inside.  Water monitor lizards hide in the water as ochre-robed monks send turtles into the waves and birds into the air.  The globe gives off a mishmash of smells, each indistinguishable one setting off a strand of memories that seems unending.  Dried squid and fresh rain and jasmine and incense and sewage mix until you are no longer sure if you want to inhale deep or hold your nose.  Bodhi trees and strangler figs burst from the cracks, tiny parodies of each other.  Rambutan and mangoes and durian bob to the top of the riverwater, beckoning and repulsive in the same call.  Water hyacinth spurt purple blooms and ladyboys call to tourists from beneath temple gates.  Bangkok sparkles with grime and seems to drown in its own development.

Her hair had gotten darker in Thailand.  It went from a fiery red to an anonymous black.  She lived inside that globe so long that she could no longer look through the murky river out into the world.  This globe was both the majority of her adult life and also so, so far away.

The Bahamas.  Tiny sea biscuits float in what she likes to imagine is a little piece of the Atlantic.  Tiny periwinkle shells swim through the water and dance around a junkanoo parade.  The drummers are paused mid-beat and ready to strike.  Horns are held to lips as if they may scream any minute.  Feathers reach every which way.  The sand is pink, reflecting millennia of queen conchs sticking their tongues out at the waves.   The roosters never know what time it is, but it doesn’t seem to matter on the island, as long as you make it to the beach by sunset.   The globe held its own miniature Sargasso Sea, hiding the mystery of deep-blue depths and the growth of sea turtles and eels.  Mermaids’ purses and conchs burst with song.

This snow globe is her newest.

It is sudden and confusing when the house begins to shake.  At first it’s as if someone very large is trampling down the stairs, but in the back of her mind, she knows she is alone.  As it gets stronger, she holds the corner wall that hugs the fireplace for balance.  The snow globes begin to jostle and bounce, dancing side to side and right off the edge of the mantle.  They throw thirty years of dust into the air like confetti and she briefly wonders what they are celebrating.  They jump, glass heads first, freely into an ocean that begins to form on the floor, free diving out of their prescribed places.

The ocean they create is choppy and alive.  Gargoyles and Buddhist monks swim like fish amongst each other.  Gothic buildings and Alaskan mountains jut out from the sea like islands.  Friends from Thailand stare in awe at the aurora borealis that plays on the water.  Lizards play junkanoo while park-bison dance along.  The interactions are rich and charged.  Alive and fresh.

Creative Commons love to http://www.flickr.com/photos/_vini/ for the photo!

Submission: Paper Darts

Lately I’ve spent a lot of time browsing the websites of Creative Writing MFA Programs.  One of the really wonderful side effects of  these hours in front of the computer is that I’ve come across quite a few fun, interesting literary magazines.

As I am determined to be more serious about my writing, I am also looking for publications where I can submit my work.  My guidelines are pretty well-defined.  I want to submit to lit mags that accept online submissions and have no reading fees.  Plus, the rebellious artist in me is attracted to publications that are a little funky.  I’d like to share these publications with you as I find them.  Perhaps you will enjoy them as much as I do and perhaps you will want to submit to them as well.

One of my favorites so far is Paper Darts.  I have to say, there is an not-so-small soft spot in my heart for a lit mag started by a group of girls with a sewing machine.  They also have quite a few other projects going.  I highly recommend checking them out.

Inspiration: Look Up More: The Shared Experience of Absurdity

I’ll just come out and say it, I love the absurd.  There’s something magical and beautiful about frivolity that’s not tied down to reason and rationality.  Absurdity has this detachment from the material world which makes me remember that I am not only a physical body that needs to eat and shit, but also a mind that needs to be stimulated and awed.  There’s some sort of wizardry that the ludicrous possesses which can turn even the most mundane of situations and surroundings into a wonderland.

Take for instance Christo and Jean-Claude’s outdoor art, The Umbrellas.  It instantly turns a brown, barren California landscape into a fairyland. And that’s exactly what’s amazing about absurdity.  It’s play for adults.  It’s a time when we are pulled out of daily routine and everyday life and invited to immerse ourselves in imagination and wonder.  It invites us to see the world around us not as a hard, material setting but as a playground ripe with beauty and ready for exploration.

The magic and wonder of the ridiculous is never so powerful as when it is shared.  In the TED Talk below, Charlie Todd, founder of ImprovEverywhere, discusses the power of sharing absurd experiences.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the video:

“I love this moment in the video, because before it became a share experience, it was maybe a little bit scary, or something that was at least confusing to her.  And then once it became a shared experience, it was something funny and something she could laugh at.”

“There is no point and there doesn’t have to be a point.  We don’t need a reason, as long as it’s fun.”

[ted id=1269]

This video really inspired me because it made me think about how something just a little bit absurd lends itself to an entire story.  The people who witnessed the no-pants subway ride (and all the previous ones that followed!) will forever have that story to tell — and to share.  It will be something to connect over and an experience that they can give to others through the telling of that story for the rest of their lives.

All storytelling should have an element of this.  Stories should leave you wanting to retell them, to share them.  Good stories are instant bridges between people.  They bring us together and link us in common experience.

And for me, I always want a little bit of the absurd.  I want a little bit of play, a little wink at my reader.  I want that moment when my reader and I are both frolicking in the playground of wonder and imagination and beauty that is the world we live in.

Because it’s really fun to play by yourself, but it’s even more fun to play with others.*

*Sexual innuendo absolutely intended.  I’m sorry.  I couldn’t resist.

Creative Commons love to Jon Delorey for the photo and, of course, to TED for the video!